Rising from Adversity Part II
Rising from Adversity - Part II
(a 6 minute read - more if you want to absorb this riveting story in small bites)
Read this first, if you have not read part I of this story before you continue.
School holidays came to an end. Reluctantly I returned to the boarding school in a confused state. I did not know where to turn for advice. Evander was the grand authority in the boarding. I felt like I was going to prison.
Evander pretended everything was normal between him and me. He continued on his ‘abba’ theory, thus obligating trust between him and the innocent boys. Evander continued to call himself ‘abba’ and ‘father’. He ordered us to address him as ‘father’ or ‘තාත්තා’ in Sri Lankan. I had my own father and could not reconcile this aberration, a distortion of the truth.
On hot summer days, it was warm in the dormitory at night. On Fridays, Evander arranged for selected boys to sleep in the summer house on the edge of the beach on the pretext of cooler fresh air. Boys carried their mats and pillows to the summer house and slept. Evander himself slept among the boys in the open spaces in the summer house.
One night, in the middle of my sleep, I found Evander next to me rubbing his penis on my legs. I went into limbo, not sure what I was supposed to do. He had everyone there under his thumb. Almost everyone around was my age, under-age boys under fifteen. I remained there lifeless. Within a very short time, to me which seemed like a lifetime, his slimy liquid was all over my legs.
The next morning, Evander came to me and whispered “Denzil, go and make your confession". By that notion, he implied that I was guilty of what he did to me. My legs were now dry and sticky, I hated myself for what he did to me. I was furious. I was fucking mad. What kind of religion was this? What a digression of the so-called 'confession'? Did he think that I was an equal partner in his crime that was forced on me? What a warped mind?
That broke the camel’s back for me. I did not go for confession. I was determined not to fall into his prey anymore. I started ignoring him. I defied him. I protected myself from him. Yet, I did not speak with any of the boys about what he did to me. I had no knowledge to process this horrible paedophile crime as yet. It was a period of utter desolation.
Fortunately for me and for few other boys who were easy prey to Evander, he was suddenly transferred out of the boarding school. Within a short period of time, Evander was leaving for India. Good riddance I thought. I was happy for the devil to depart. Brother Chamuel, his erstwhile deputy was appointed as his replacement and became the brother director of the boarding.
Evander gave his address in India to the boys, his so-called children. He implored them to write to him. He repeatedly said that he would miss them.
I struggled with everything that had happened with Evander. My school grades dropped. I was naturally bright in my studies prior to these two incidents. Prior to Evander’s crimes, I followed the teacher's lessons well in class. I vividly remembered the fundamentals taught with no effort. I never revised the lessons after class. Now with the trauma of sexual violence reverberating on my head, I found it hard to follow the classes. School life became a blur.
Luckily, I had a bunch of good friends in my college. They liked me for what I was. My classmates were the daring type and were always on the go. I liked them a lot. I never told them what I had been through in the boarding. They made my life in college fun despite the burden I was carrying. I became stronger thanks to their boyhood friendships. They unknowingly inspired me despite my setback in boarding. Note: My college where I studied was different to the boarding school where I stayed. Both were run by Christian brothers. The boys in college were homeboys who travelled to school from their homes and were a different lot to the boys from the boarding school. The boys in the boarding were submissive or had been made subverts with religious fervour while the homeboys in college were fun-loving and normal.
Gradually, I came to process what had happened to me with Evander. I grew up fast.
I wanted to fight back. I wanted to confront Evander. I bought an aerogram for eighty cents from the post office near the boarding. I wrote a stinking letter to Evander in India in fury. I wrote to him that he was a big cheat. That he fooled me pretending that he was a father to me. I wrote that he was not a father but a sexual pervert. I was fed up with the boarding and was going home. To hell with his stinking religious order. He could keep it. I posted it from the red mailbox near the boarding.
I went on about my normal business, still fuming about what had happened. I did not care about the boarding school or even Chamuel, the new director in charge. I was planning to dislodge myself from the boarding.
About a month later after my letter was posted to India, I had a tap on my shoulder while I sat at my study desk. Chamuel wanted to have a chat with me. He took me to his room, upstairs and sat me down opposite him.
“I know that a terrible thing has happened to you by Evander. He is very sorry about what happened, Evander wrote to me asking me to help you” Chamuel said.
I had no reply to this revelation by Chamuel. I was trying to process this new development.
I said “I am very upset; I am not sure whether I want to be here anymore”
Chamuel went on. “I will help you, trust me Denzil,” he said.
“You have a bright future here. If there is anything I can do to help you get over this, I will” Chamuel continued.
I said nothing.
“I will help you. It will help you if you don’t talk about this with anyone else”.
I said “hmmm”. I had no answer to that.
In a few minutes, I came down. The rest of the boys in the study looked at me wondering the reason for the sudden and unplanned meeting with Chamuel.
I was fast losing interest in staying in the boarding. I felt I did not belong there. I wanted to go home. I did not know how to leave the boarding. I had been indoctrinated to believe that it was God’s calling that I was in the Christian brothers boarding school. One day I had to become a Christian brother and serve his flock. That was the expectation. But I was done. I will leave one day, I determined.
The story continues in Rising from Adversity Part III
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